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The Ashirbaad: The engagement
The engagement ceremony is not a religious function and priests are not required. It is a gathering of both families with an emphasis on the exchange
of gifts, discussions, negotiations and the fixing the date for the marriage. The elders bless the couple by showering them with 'dhaan' (husked rice)
and 'dooba' (three bladed grass).
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Al Buddo Bhaat: The bride's last meal as a maiden in her parental home
The Al Buddo Bhaat celebrates the last meal of the bride as a maiden in her parental home. The bride's mother prepares a feast of Bengali delicacies
for her daughter, which is shared by the extended family.
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Gai Halood / Haldi Uptan: Anointing the bride and groom
The 'Gai Halood' takes place on the dawn of the wedding day. The groom is anointed with a paste of turmeric and scented oils. It is an intimate
function filled with fun and laughter, where his relatives, especially the girls, mercilessly tease the groom!
The same paste is then sent across to the bride's home for her 'Gai Halood' ceremony, which is much more elaborate. Before sunrise, on the
wedding day, the bride is fed 'Dahi Mangal' (natural yogurt), after which she fasts until the marriage ceremony is over.
The blowing of the conch, signals the arrival of the 'haldi paste' and gifts from the groom's home. The pride of place amongst all the gifts
is a large 'rohu' (fish)!
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Shaka Paula: The bride is adorned with coral and shell bangles by 'sumangalis'
Amidst the chanting of Sanskrit 'shlokas' (verses) by the priest, seven married women or 'sumangalis' adorn the bride with coral and shell bangles.
The groom sends an iron and silver entwined bangle for the bride, symbolizing a tough and enduring relationship.
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Boijotri: The wedding procession
The bride's maternal uncle comes to fetch the bridegroom, his family and friends and escorts them to the wedding venue. The groom is resplendent
in a 'sherwani' (long silk coat) or suit or even the traditional 'dhoti kurta'.
With the blowing of the conch, the 'boijotri' or 'baraat' (wedding procession) sets off for the wedding venue.
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Potto Bastra: Welcoming the groom
On his arrival, elders from the bride's family receive the groom with the 'boron' (straw colander) containing a lamp, honey, yogurt and betel
leaves. He is then presented with a shawl and a 'dhoti', which he is supposed to wear for the wedding ceremony.
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The wedding: Actual wedding rites divided into following segments:
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Shubh Dhristi / Exchange of garlands: The couple exchanges garlands
The bride walks up to the groom, eyes lowered and goes around him seven times, welcoming him and then stands in front of him. Her face is covered
with betel leaves, which are moved apart to enable the couple to make eye contact for the 'shubh dhristi' (auspicious 'viewing' of each other).
The couple now exchanges garlands and the groom proceeds to the 'mandap' (marriage platform) followed by the bride.
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Kanyadaan: Giving away the bride
Amongst Vedic chantings the bride's parents symbolically hand over their most precious gift, their daughter, to the bridegroom.
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Hasta Milap: Tying of the marital knot
The hands of the couple are tied together in a symbolic knot and the bride is officially handed over to her husband-to-be.
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Saptapadi: Seven steps around the sacred fire
The couple takes the seven steps of matrimony around the sacred fire. With each step the bride leaves her family and with the seventh step,
she finally becomes a member of her husband's family. The bride and groom take a vow with each step.
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Sindoordaan: The groom applies vermilion on the bride
Performed at the end of the marriage rituals, this ceremony is the preserve of a husband. He applies the 'sindoor' or vermilion powder on the parting
in the hair of his bride to establish her marital status.
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Bashar Ghar: The groom stays back in the bride's home
In accordance with Bengali tradition, after the wedding feast,
the groom's family, friends and guests leave but the groom stays back in the bride's home. The following day is spent at his in-laws amidst
a lot of teasing and entertaining by the younger generation in the 'bashar ghar' or ceremonial room.
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Vidaai: Bridal send off
In one of the most poignant moments of her life, the 'vidaai', the bride takes leave of her parental home. For her it symbolizes the changing
of her 'gotra' (ancestral lineage) and allegiances in one stroke!
The groom's father comes to fetch his son and daughter-in-law, carrying gifts for them.
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Bride's Reception: Welcoming the bride in her marital home
Her mother-in-law gives the bride a warm welcome. On entering the home, she gives her daughter-in-law a fish (in the olden days is used to be
a live fish!) to hold, while she waits for the milk to boil over (symbolizing a house overflowing with food and affection).
The bride then steps onto a platter containing 'alta' (vermilion water) and walks into her new home leaving her foot imprints on the floor of
the house. She is then taken straight into the kitchen and blessed by all the elders.
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Bahu Bhaat: Formal acceptance of the bride by her in-laws
The following day is a very important one for the bride as it is on this day that she is formally accepted by all her husband's relatives through the formality of the 'Bahu Bhaat'.
The bride personally serves elaborate rice dishes to all the elderly members of the family for lunch. It is at this time that the groom avows to take
on the 'bhaat' and 'kapood bhar nilan' (literally translated it means - taking on the responsibility of providing food, shelter and clothing for his wife).
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Reception: Post wedding celebrations
The groom's family generally hosts the wedding reception, which is a formal function to introduce the newly weds to family and friends.
Traditionally it was a simple domestic affair, but in modern times it has become customary to host the reception in a hotel or banquet hall
and invite as many guests as the family can afford.
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Phool Sajjaya: The bride is bedecked with jewellery made from flowers
On the third night after the wedding ceremony, the bride is bedecked with floral jewellery, a custom very special to the Bengali community.
The bridal bed is also decorated with flowers and the marriage can now be consummated.
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